Nicole Kidman is opening up about life after the end of her 19-year marriage to Keith Urban, admitting that the future now looks very different from the one she once imagined.
The 59-year-old actress spoke candidly to British Vogue about her divorce from the country star, whom she filed to split from last September.
Kidman said she is trying to move forward with an “open heart,” even as she continues adjusting to a life she did not necessarily expect.
“I had a different view of what my life was going to be, but this is what it is now,” she said. “You make all these plans and you have all these ideas of what it’s all going to be like and then it’s… not. You have to adjust. You adapt. The future, it’s completely unknown to me right now.”
Kidman and Urban’s breakup appeared to remain relatively peaceful. The former couple cited irreconcilable differences and agreed to share custody of their two daughters, Sunday Rose, 18, and Faith Margaret, 15.
They also avoided a courtroom battle, and neither is required to pay spousal support.
Still, Kidman made it clear that even an amicable divorce can take time to process.
The actress said she tends to make decisions based more on emotion than careful analysis.
“I don’t overthink things and I’m probably not that analytical,” she said. “I’m far more feeling-centred and I lead with my heart.”
Kidman added that her approach can sometimes surprise people who expect her to be more calculated.
When asked whether starting over frightens her, Kidman admitted there was a time when she was “very fearful.”
She ultimately decided, however, that the only option was to keep moving forward with hope.
Kidman said she has also leaned on older women in her life who have become mentors and helped remind her that difficult or embarrassing moments do not have to define a person.
“I know my character. I know my talent. I know who I am,” she said. “If I make a mistake and it doesn’t connect, or something goes wrong in my life where it’s humiliating, it’s OK.”
This is not Kidman’s first highly publicized divorce.
Before Urban, she was married to Tom Cruise for 11 years. The former couple adopted two children together, Isabella, now 33, and Connor, 31.
Kidman was just 23 when she married Cruise and has previously described being completely swept up in their relationship.
She recalled that people warned her marrying one of Hollywood’s biggest stars could hurt her own career, but she simply did not care at the time.
“We just fell madly in love and it was that simple,” Kidman said. “I’m like, ‘I don’t care. I’m in love. I want to be married.’”
Despite having already lived through one major public breakup, Kidman said heartbreak does not necessarily become easier with experience.
“It’s all new,” she said. “Every time!”