Tim Allen had a packed room cracking up at the Laugh Factory this week after sharing a story about an awkward — and very loud — run-in with Tom Cruise at a Mission: Impossible premiere that ended with a joke about Scientology and a near-public apology.
Speaking during a stand-up set at the iconic Los Angeles comedy club, the 72-year-old comedian admitted he’s the kind of moviegoer who can’t always keep quiet, especially when a scene stretches reality a little too far. His example? Attending the premiere of Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning.
Allen joked that when he goes to celebrity events, he treats stars like old friends and expects perks. He said he wanted the swag, the hat, the whole Mission: Impossible experience. But about 30 minutes into the movie, he couldn’t hold back.
During a car crash scene involving a BMW flying off a parking structure and flipping nose-first, Allen blurted out “bulls**t” in the middle of the theater.
He told the audience that Cruise’s character casually climbing out of the wreck looking flawless was too much for him to ignore. “It would’ve killed Batman,” Allen said, adding that the entire theater went silent as everyone turned to stare at him.
According to Allen, one person even shouted back, “Yeah, it’s kind of funny, Mr. Buzz Lightyear?” — a jab at his iconic Toy Story role.
Allen said he tried to smooth things over by insisting he was just messing around, but noticed Cruise’s ears turning bright red. And it didn’t end there.
After the movie wrapped, Allen claimed Cruise walked straight down the aisle toward him. Despite joking that Cruise is “literally this tall,” Allen admitted he was genuinely nervous.
Remembering advice from his grandfather, Allen said he apologized immediately and tried to move on. He told the crowd Cruise was actually nice — but then came the punchline.
“I think he put a spell on me though,” Allen joked, saying Cruise’s eyes turned red and “something hit me,” blaming it on Scientology.
Allen wrapped up the story by reminding the audience that he considers himself religious, goes to church every Sunday with his family, and was raised in faith — making the whole moment even funnier to him.
Cruise, who has been a longtime and outspoken member of the Church of Scientology, has rarely been the subject of jokes like that from fellow A-listers — especially at his own premiere.
The Mission: Impossible moment wasn’t the only celebrity Allen skewered during his hour-long set.
He also took aim at Tom Hanks, joking about losing out to him for the lead role in 1989’s Turner & Hooch. Allen claimed that after hearing he didn’t get the part, he vented to Disney executives and hurled some very unfiltered insults about Hanks — despite the two famously voicing Buzz and Woody together.
Ryan Reynolds also caught a stray when Allen joked about superhero costumes, suggesting that every time Deadpool appears onscreen, Reynolds might actually be back in his trailer getting his nails done while a stunt double handles the action.
Allen even roasted himself, calling the Santa Claus costume from The Santa Clause films the worst outfit of his career. He said the fat suit weighed 58 pounds and required six hours in the makeup chair — all while Disney staff scolded him for swearing and smoking between takes in front of children who genuinely believed he was the real Santa.
Allen joked that he didn’t realize the kids on set weren’t actors and found it ironic that they believed in him so deeply, since he openly admits he “hates kids.”
The comedian is currently on tour in 2026 and also stars in ABC’s Shifting Gears, which recently returned from a midseason hiatus. He’s also set to reprise Buzz Lightyear once again in Toy Story 5, hitting theaters this summer — alongside a familiar voice cast that includes Tom Hanks.
As for that Mission: Impossible moment? Allen made it clear he wouldn’t take it back — even if it meant yelling “bulls**t” at one of Hollywood’s biggest action stars.
MI 6 was just plain stupid from beginning to end. Simply an opportunity for Tom Cruise to make an extra bazillion dollars at the intellectual expense of the moviegoers. It was horrid!